i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Randomize