ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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