This house was built for laser tag.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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