I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
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