I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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