Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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