I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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