He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize