Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize