I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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