U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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