I'm so fucking centered right now
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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