the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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