Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
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I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
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I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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