Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize