Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
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I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
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My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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