Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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