I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize