its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
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I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
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Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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