Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
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It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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