just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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