I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize