Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
We are two peas in an std pod
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If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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