Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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