I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
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