Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
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I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
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So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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