i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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