I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
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Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
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I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
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