It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize