i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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