Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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