Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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