Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize