im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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