Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
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He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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