What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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