i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
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