I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize