you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
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its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Still dying that you shit outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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