So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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