2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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