you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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