My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
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Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
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I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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