You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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