I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
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i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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