I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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