I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
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