Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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