I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
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I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
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I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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