i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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