halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
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it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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